I feel as though I have experienced already so much of what life has to offer knowing that what I meant to do has not yet really begun. I am working on surgery recovery. I am working on my health. I don’t know what else I am meant to work on. Here I am sleepy and listless for the Ketu year. I have experienced a lot and never anyone like me – close, but not ever anyone just like me. It must be the same for everyone else? There are so many souls here, so many lives taking the form of humans. How many are taking the form of other life that we don’t pay any mind to? I want to connect to them. I want to know what they are saying. I have experienced everything there is to experience about the human realm – I cannot come back as one.
I want to know what the oldest souls here say. I don’t care about human feat and accomplishment. It does nothing for me. I only care about the language of trees and birds and crickets. I want to move away from this idea that people are all there is to this earth. We’re all what we got. No, wrong. I know there are non-human spirits if we invested in them, they would look after us. I know they are doing so much more than any of us ever would or maybe even could. I want to stretch the could. I want to do the most I ever could the same way a conifer or a warbler would. We’ve exhausted the extent of human knowledge and the solution they thought is algorithms. Data sets. I’ve processed so much data. Every day I’m getting more and more inputs of data. I don’t need the quantity anymore. It’s not selfish to hold an unoriginal release or thought to yourself. There is enough. There is more than enough to go around. Every new day I am mined for original thought and press. Press enter.
I haven’t written anything up here in a while though my brain has been abuzz with ideas. Haven’t been able to put the hands to the keyboard so to speak. What got me writing now is a movie soundtrack by a Chinese band called Hualan for ‘Before Next Spring’ that was released earlier this March. You can check it out here.
I’m still digging on a lot of Chinese media and watching Daily Life of the Immortal King. It’s so uniquely funny but still touching (at least the ending of season 1 got me good). I’m currently on season 2 and waiting for season 2 of Link Click!
I found the movie soundtrack from an APEX (Asia Pacific Exports) radio session on Dublab by Kaishando here which is so exceptional and relaxing. I came across this track in Jess Fu’s set for APEX that I’m so into. Many beautiful tracks there. It made my jaw drop a couple of times. Shout out to the Two of Hearts transition after the Lee Jae Min edit too.
I’m reading a bunch of Webtoons too. Mom I’m Gay on Manta being one of them and it’s really very bittersweet and made me want to write on my experiences. I’m not in that state of mind now. I want to vibe on a Sunday after stewing a giant pot of black beans. I want a rice steam facial. I want to cook up some plantain and assemble bean + avo tacos. I want to go skating with my friends and not worry about the week ahead. I want time to decompress.
I’m going to start writing a campaign for an adapted Vampires of the Masquerade game I’m running with my friends. I have no GM experience, but I’ll learn. I didn’t know that some of the first RPG games came out of DnD campaigns. I made that connection when setting up Pass, Fail conditions on events and it made a lot of sense. I won’t spoil much for now but maybe you’ll get a taste of Yakuza Vampires Unlimited: The Fury of Shinzo Abe soon.
It felt good to get this out. See you soon.
I approach my keyboard with nothing short of venomous rage. I won’t get into the particulars of my story yet, but there is not enough “good doctors” in this world to outweigh the scum rivaling the police (if you did not know there aren’t any ‘bad apple’ cops, the whole bunch is rotten). It’s time to understand these doctors are as much agents of chaos and evil as the police are. God complexes are nourished and let flourish in an industry that pulls on its sheepskin to tell you that they care about your lives. And unfortunately outside of this system, we have few alternatives of where else to look for help with our more immediate health issues. We are to look at our doctors as learned folks who took on a lot of debt and personal losses to enter a ‘helping’ profession, but what if we shifted perspectives and understood them as the fallible and many times over ignorant persons as we understand our kids to be? The deification of doctors, surgeons does no service to their spirit either – it feeds a monster ego, a monster culture where supplementation and cosmetic fixes are prioritized above all else to pump profits and keep an extremely sick populace hanging on by a thin and weathered thread to keep the cogs running. It’s being pushed to its absolute limits. People are too tired to grieve properly. They are too tired to inhabit rage. The veil is lifting and the thread is about to snap.
The non-gendered earth mother rages and grieves alongside us. The violent storms ravaging inland cities, the flooding of the coast. Climate catastrophes (‘catastrophic’ to whom and what?) are an inevitability. We have more emergencies than we were ever equipped to handle and now we must prioritize. Harm reduction. It has made its way into every profession, every industry, every system that was built on the foundations of exploitation and abuse – the justification behind why one mother got her meds administered first – why one inmate gets a change of clothes. How disconnected we ended up from them, the earth mother. Can you understand how every comfort in life has been provided to you by them? Yet capitalists continue extracting to fill the insatiable bottomless pit of greed they carved into their flesh sin any reciprocity, nothing, lest not love, comes back aside their untended to wastes and vacuous displays of ‘power’. The organisms commonly understood as ‘parasites’ may require a new moniker, but it will forever describe the unwell bourgeoisie. What is abundant about them? The soil is barren and the spirit dims. Take this hormone to counteract the hormones we added to your food to address food insecurity (huh?). Burn off these moles. Install the froyo machine.
What venom rivals seeing your doctor or medical professional of choice (shout-out nurses) in your stories, mask-free on vacation at a super spreader event, then go back to work BAU- fuck the quarantine? I’d be hard pressed to find one deadlier.